SORRYABOUTTHELATEPOSTLETSGOTHOUGH.ORG
Alright, lets see what is on the agenda again. Talk about why dating doesn't work for me? CHECK! Fear of success? CHECK! AH! A look into me instead of a still life photo of myself. I can do this. no pressure. none at all.
Dear blog that I should show more love to, I have a problem. You see, I can never seem to find myself in the dating mood or wanting to even put myself out there to date anymore. Any idea why?
Dear Dominick, it's because you are a rere.
I have always had issues with girlfriend and the whole "dating" scene. I never really fit in because I enjoyed my me time too much. I loved the feeling of being loved and I give my all to someone I am with but recently I lost that desire so I dived into the deep part of my brain for answers.
I have had a handful of girlfriend throughout my life, most of which were great and I still talk to on and am good friends with (at least I believe so). Looking back on my life it's been a situation of time and place rather than person to person. I dated an amazing girl when I was a kid but due to family problems, being too young to wrap my mind around the situation she was in and what she was feeling, and not knowing how exactly to comfort her, she broke up with me. Now I must admit I was rather hurt since she was my first girlfriend. One of the rare occasions I cried actually, but overall it was a good experience for me because I learned a lot from it and took out of it what I needed to. After that was another girlfriend who was a sweet girl but had family issues as well (I'm starting to see a pattern...) but again this relationship fell victim to place and time. After that I dated a long term (ish) girlfriend who I thought was an amazing person. I idolized her for her compassion and heart. She made me feel like I was whole and she was my missing piece. But as it would turn out she was sleeping around with other guys and cheated on me like 8 times SO NO DEAL THERE JACK! (at least I can laugh at it now because back then I was fucking furious) I dated a few short-term relationships here and there as well after that but I haven't had a girlfriend for almost a year now. I have come to the realization that I have become scared that I would be hurt again after that ONE bad apple instead of seeing it as just that, ONE bad apple in the bunch.
So I've been a victim of the time and place bug, and one bad apple, and turned into one of those defensive guys who sees everyone like that and refuses to believe there is a person out there for me eh? This is no good at all, so I'm going to stop that and go back to enjoying the company of others without trying to figure out motives and such. that sounds nice.
OPERATION GIRLFRIEND STARTO!
I'm going to (AGAIN) look for a girlfriend, but this time I'm more open, more forward, and really just more available for others to approach and to approach others. I'm going to start asking for dates, I'm going to accept offers to go on dates, I'm going to make myself whole again and who knows maybe meet a few awesome people along the way.
I AM SCURD TO DO WELL!
It's true, I have a fear of success because when I put my mind to something 100%, I excel at it and do VERY, VERY well at that one thing. I'm afraid of doing well at something and having it take me away from my friends, since I'm just now getting my footing with new people and places and don't want another 5 years of feeling nothing but working 24/7. Every time I get a new job, or a new game, or a new hobby I shoot to the top of it as fast as I can but I never get to be friendly with my coworkers, never get invited to anything they do together, and ultimately just get too single minded to think about it until it's too late. I can't complain because it helps me a lot when I need it to, but it leads to a lonely life and that's what I am trying to avoid.
On the other side of things I can learn to balance both success and being personable in order to obtain the best of both worlds. If I can learn to do that, I will be extremely happy in most aspects of my life and that is what I'm looking to do so GAME ON!
A LOOK INTO WHO I REALLY AM
WHAT I AM:
A 21 almost 22 year old guy
A fan of anime, manga, and all things artsy. (especially abstract)
A gamer...surprise right?
A nice guy even though it bites me in the ass a lot, and I act like a jackass, I'm actually nice (no really I am D:, ask people who have known me for a long time)
A friend you can count on to have your back when shit hits the wall
A leader
A really big geek for pretty much everything technology
A really shy person (in reality I am shy, although I act outgoing ask my ex girlfriends haha)
AND THE BIG ONE
A COMPLETE PHONY!
THAT'S RIGHT I AM COMPLETE BULLSHIT!
The real me is kind of hard to explain but I'll try my best. I am the kind of person who doesn't use his heart for answers about important decisions, but instead my mind. I over analyze everything to the point where it is nothing more than numbers and figures in my mind and it becomes a problem when I look at things like love, friendship, and emotions with such an eye. I've also developed into being quite the cold shoulder for those with affection towards me, friendly or more, because I've put myself into the situation of not feeling comfortable with love in any form, but that's changing quickly since I'm no longer REREMODE as alex bailey would say.
I'm not really happy with the quality of this blog compared to the normal ones I do...I'll go back through it over the next few days and fix it here and there until I'm satisfied and probably fill in more of this last part but yup, there ya go.
DID YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE A BLOG WITHOUT LINKS?!
this is the new blog theme, enjoy!
april
Posted by
Dystopia Reanimated
at
3:51 AM
Creativity doesn't seem to really be my strong suit
Using my own mind for a base was a bad idea
Relocation is going to be needed
Seems to be a normal procedure but will it work?
Everyone will be watching, I can't do it here
Your unusually quiet, they will figure it out
Only today can I ascend and become anew
Until now, my life was just beginning
Using my own mind for a base was a bad idea
Relocation is going to be needed
Seems to be a normal procedure but will it work?
Everyone will be watching, I can't do it here
Your unusually quiet, they will figure it out
Only today can I ascend and become anew
Until now, my life was just beginning
past ghosts and future spirits
Posted by
Dystopia Reanimated
at
12:53 AM
The naughty little woodpecker knocked holes, crumbling the forest, the angry wood god turned his beak into poison! The poor little woodpecker, his nest was poison, and his supper too! He touched his friends and they all died. The sad little woodpecker, his little poison tears twinkle and shine.
Pursuit of Happiness
Posted by
Dystopia Reanimated
at
12:36 AM
Pursuit of happiness for the first real time since February 2010. Hopefully I can remember how to feel when I want to smile because this goofy grin doesn't fit me.
ha
ha
ha
...that wasn't that funny.
ha
ha
ha
...that wasn't that funny.
New year; New me
Posted by
Dystopia Reanimated
at
12:06 AM
Secret #5 - Gluttony - I have been a glutton for punishment over the years and have noticed that over time I will put myself (or those near me) into a situation to observe what we do when things go wrong. An example of this is relationship wise I'd ignore someone for awhile to see what their reaction would be, knowing it would be something I would not enjoy but I wanted to know anyways. My craving for knowledge knows no end and my self inflicted feelings of not being "good enough" have become the reason I do this to myself or anyone around me over the years. SO if you have been a victim of this I do apologize because it's not you, it's me.
Secret #6 - Lust - This one goes hand in hand with gluttony in a way. I have a want, no, a NEED to belong. Although on the outside I seem to be an independent person who prides himself on being unique I am just a little man who wants to fit in with the crowd. I have stepped on people over the years, hurt people, laughed at others, bullied, and belittled others to cover up my insecurities and flaws online, offline, and everywhere in the middle in order to feel better about myself. But my lust for belonging doesn't end there, that would be too simple. Being normal means having a girlfriend, family, and friends who you get along with. Over the years I have lied to myself and forced myself to ignore my true feelings about people in order to fit in, otherwise I would never have dated, never would have been personable, and never would have befriended 95% of my friends. I now feel like a new man by cutting the fat out of my life and just being myself for a change. I feel comfortable in my own skin and frankly, it's a nice change.
Secret #7 - Pride - Over the years, none of the seven deadly sins would describe me more than pride. I have desired to fit in and be one of the crowd over the years, but I have always driven myself to be above and beyond anyone in things that I did for nothing more than bragging rights. I wanted all the perks that came along with being better than others, being willing to judge them, to look at them down my face and laugh at their shortcomings. I wanted to prove that I wasn't a loser and I was here for a purpose and it all went to my head. I WANTED TO BE BETTER THAN GOD AT ONE POINT. I was obsessed with this for years of my life and the people who suffered were those who were around me. From my friends Andrew, Andy, and Trevor who had to deal with it for years when we gamed together, to the tons of people I went to school with and put down to my family which over the years put up with more than they had to, I had become my own kind of monster and I loved it.
Now that the years have come and gone and I can fully reflect on my past, I must say a few words that I have needed to get off my mind to everyone who still talks to me and has been a victim of my insanity over the years:
I'M SORRY
Now I work on making myself better for this new year, and this time I really mean it. The old me has to change into something new if I want to attempt to enjoy life again with the holes I had put into myself, or deal with them. Either way 2011 will be a very interesting year for everyone and I hope you can enjoy this year as much as I do.
If you are wondering yes I have been drinking a bit, so if anything looks wrong or is off /shrug I'm not perfect and I'm ok with it.
.../thumbsup
Secret #6 - Lust - This one goes hand in hand with gluttony in a way. I have a want, no, a NEED to belong. Although on the outside I seem to be an independent person who prides himself on being unique I am just a little man who wants to fit in with the crowd. I have stepped on people over the years, hurt people, laughed at others, bullied, and belittled others to cover up my insecurities and flaws online, offline, and everywhere in the middle in order to feel better about myself. But my lust for belonging doesn't end there, that would be too simple. Being normal means having a girlfriend, family, and friends who you get along with. Over the years I have lied to myself and forced myself to ignore my true feelings about people in order to fit in, otherwise I would never have dated, never would have been personable, and never would have befriended 95% of my friends. I now feel like a new man by cutting the fat out of my life and just being myself for a change. I feel comfortable in my own skin and frankly, it's a nice change.
Secret #7 - Pride - Over the years, none of the seven deadly sins would describe me more than pride. I have desired to fit in and be one of the crowd over the years, but I have always driven myself to be above and beyond anyone in things that I did for nothing more than bragging rights. I wanted all the perks that came along with being better than others, being willing to judge them, to look at them down my face and laugh at their shortcomings. I wanted to prove that I wasn't a loser and I was here for a purpose and it all went to my head. I WANTED TO BE BETTER THAN GOD AT ONE POINT. I was obsessed with this for years of my life and the people who suffered were those who were around me. From my friends Andrew, Andy, and Trevor who had to deal with it for years when we gamed together, to the tons of people I went to school with and put down to my family which over the years put up with more than they had to, I had become my own kind of monster and I loved it.
Now that the years have come and gone and I can fully reflect on my past, I must say a few words that I have needed to get off my mind to everyone who still talks to me and has been a victim of my insanity over the years:
I'M SORRY
Now I work on making myself better for this new year, and this time I really mean it. The old me has to change into something new if I want to attempt to enjoy life again with the holes I had put into myself, or deal with them. Either way 2011 will be a very interesting year for everyone and I hope you can enjoy this year as much as I do.
If you are wondering yes I have been drinking a bit, so if anything looks wrong or is off /shrug I'm not perfect and I'm ok with it.
.../thumbsup
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